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2 regular strength Tylenol (you may substitute your choice of pain killer as needed)
1/2 pound vermicelli pasta or spaghetti
1 small bunch precut broccoli
1 small zucchini, diced
1/2 cup plus one unopened bag of frozen peas
1/2 cup snow peas
2 tsp. garlic powder
1 8 ounce can seeded and diced tomatoes
12 basil leaves, 3 tbsp. chopped or pre-packaged pesto
4 Tbsp. butter
1/4 cup chicken broth (use vegetable broth for vegetarian option)
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 chilled bottle dry French white wine.
Take pain killer. At the same time:
Fill a huge pot with water with water and turn on to “high.” Salt well. Set your strainer in the sink, turn on your timer to 13 minutes and go lay down with your feet up as high as you can tolerate.
When alarm rings, throw pasta and set timer for 7 minutes. You must work quickly. Grab all other ingredients, open them and spread them on the counter.
Put your hands on the edge of counter, legs back about 2 feet away and bend forward, breathe out a big loud sigh and stretch your pelvis so it doesn’t lock up on you while you’re standing. Hold this position for 30 seconds or until timer rings.
At the 7-minute timer, throw broccoli in with the pasta. Boil for 1 minute. (You may try standing on one leg for 30 seconds and then the other if it helps.) Add the snow peas, and the 1/2 cup of frozen peas and boil for 30 more seconds.
Quickly pour pasta and vegetables through the strainer and cool them under water. Leave them in the strainer, set the timer for 10 minutes and run back to lay down again, this time taking the bag of frozen peas with you. Apply to pelvis.
When the timer rings, head back to the kitchen and throw the bag of peas back in the freezer.
In a large sauté pan, heat the butter over medium-high heat. When the butter is hot, throw in the garlic powder, the diced tomatoes and sauté for 2 minutes, stirring often and shifting your weight from side to side.
Pour in the chicken or vegetable broth and turn the heat to high to bring it to a boil. While waiting for it to boil, put one hand on top of another on the counter, lean forward and rest your forehead on the back of your hands, try to stretch your pelvis if it help. Add generous amounts of loud groans or tears as needed.
Add the cream and stir just long enough to combine. Turn the heat down until the cream-chicken broth mixture is just simmering, not boiling.
Add the Parmesan cheese and stir to combine. If the sauce seems too thick—it should be pretty thick, but not gloppy—add some more chicken broth, cream or water.
As soon as the sauce is done or you are running into too much pain, transfer the pasta/vegie mess with tongs into the sauce and toss it around to combine. Add the basil now and salt if needed. Throw some black pepper over everything and grab a dish full to take back with you while you lay down again.
After a half-hour rest, put remaining Pudendal Pasta Primavera in individual dishes and store in fridge. Eat for every meal until gone. If you hurt too much, eat it cold.
Note: You will want a dry white wine with this, ideally a chilled dry French white. Put the bottle against your pelvis for ten minutes at a time until pain relief is felt.
If you’d like to join an online support group and learn about erosion, partial removals, surgeons, or just find out that you are not alone, join my group, Surgical Mesh or check the list of support groups here.
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This blog contains first-hand opinions about pelvic surgical mesh from a calliope of experience: from 10 years of meetings, phone calls, emails and social network with mesh victims, interviews with surgeons, years of front-line emergency nurse work and early work in biostatistics and medical research, to walking the mesh walk today. I’ve learned about the magnificent inner strength of women facing unparalleled and unimaginable pelvic injuries and, along with it physical, emotional, social and spiritual challenges that would buckle the knees of the bravest soldier. These women inspire me in their tenacity and unwillingness to let go of the true joy in their lives.
To those women, I dedicate this blog.